I am so sorry for your lost. The lost of a love one is a very heavy load to bear. The reason why it was not Jehovah God intention for mankind to die. Because the way we are made it is hard to bear the lost of someone we love. We feel like if I had did this or if I had did that things would have been different. So we blame ourself for what we did not do. That is a natural feeling to have. Sometime people blame God for the death of a love one. But if we read the scripture at Hebrew 2:14 it tells us that Satan is the one having means to cause death. But there is hope for our dead love ones read Acts 24:15.